Cole Turner

That's a silly question to ask a demon. Well, maybe not so much. I don't believe in things like walking under ladders or breaking a mirror causing bad luck. It's just not true. But many superstitions are based on what little knowledge people have learned of demons and witchcraft.

For instance, Friday the 13th is a day of power for demons. I think that counts as it bringing bad luck. Especially when a demon like Barbas claims that day as his own. I know the Charmed Ones have had dealings with him before, but I hope never again.

A pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? Yes, sometimes, but leprechauns are sneaky little bastards.

Garlic does repel vampires, though I don't know why.

I'm really not sure where the opening an umbrella in the house is bad luck came from, though.

Cooking? You have got to be kidding me. I can't cook. I don't know how. That's what's Piper's for, after all.

What do I want? Can you be a little more specific? There are a lot of things I want.

I want all demons, darklighters, and warlocks to be destroyed. Except me, of course, because I'm different. I have a soul.

I want to do good, to prove myself and make up for the evil things I've done in the past.

I want Phoebe and her sisters to be safe.

I want a bottle of 1997 Dom. Romane Conti. With a nice medium rare steak and artichokes.

I want that guy in Phoebe's class to stop checking her out everytime she walks by. He doesn't think anyone notices, but I do.

I want some of Piper's brownies.

I want Prue to shut the hell up.

I want Phoebe now, naked and in our bed.

That last one can be arranged momentarily.

My life would be much easier if I wasn't a demon. Or would it? I must admit it's a compelling fantasy to think of myself as a normal mortal man, and Phoebe a normal mortal woman. Boring ordinary jobs, a house and cars we struggle to pay for . . . children playing in the yard. I'd love to have children and give them the childhood I never had. But what kind of life would the son or daughter of a demon and a witch have?

Even if I was a mortal man and Phoebe was still a witch, it wouldn't work. I am not the type of person who can sit patiently at home and wait while Phoebe's fighting demons. No, I need my powers to protect her. I won't be helpless or a liability.

Piper complains about wanting a normal life all the time, but it's not really possible for any of us, is it?

I don't really have to say that laughter was not common in the Underworld, do I? Unless it was mocking laughter directed toward a demon you had just bested in training. Real laughter born of true merriment wasn't something I had experienced in a long time before I was sent to kill the Charmed Ones.

On the eve of what should have been my finest triumph, Phoebe made me laugh. She told me a story about when she was fifteen and needed a job, so she wore a penguin costume and handed out balloons to children. When she demonstrated the penguin waddling walk, I couldn't help but laugh. Imagine that, a witch making a demon laugh. I should've known then that I was lost and my human side was becoming stronger. It didn't take much longer for me to figure that out, though.

All I have to do is look at Phoebe when I am feeling down. Her name means "bright, shining one," after all. She was named for Phoebe, the Greek Titan of Brilliance and the Moon. She is the light in my darkness. Whenever things are black, I just look at her face, and I see the light shining at the end of the tunnel.

My greatest loss would be my innocence, my humanity. It goes hand-in-hand with losing my father. Until I was three years old, I thought I was a normal boy. I didn't have any powers yet, or if I did, I didn't know how to use them. My favorite part of the day was when my father came home. He would grab me and lift me up and spin me around, then sit with me and tell me about his day.

Neither of us knew my mother was a demon. And when the time came for her to finish her mission, she murdered my father right before my eyes and then took me to the Underworld. Everything changed then. No more hugs or stories from my father. No more playing. It was just learning to be a demon, learning to kill.

My mother killed my father and destroyed my innocence. One day I will pay her back for that.

Temper? I don't have a temper.

Okay, I'm part demon, what do you expect?

Prue makes me angry sometimes. She doesn't trust me and thinks I'm just trying to infiltrate their lives again so I can destroy them. She just doesn't understand how much I love Phoebe and that I'd never do anything to harm her.

But what really makes me lose my temper is when a demon dares attack the Charmed Ones. I won't let any of them hurt Phoebe or her sisters. Anger gives me strength. And I will use that strength to destroy other demons.

A demon never admits fear; that exposes weaknesses that your enemies can attempt to use to destroy you. But the truth is, there are things demons fear: the Source, more powerful demons, and the Charmed Ones.

Me, I don't fear other demons. I don't fear the Source, but I respect his power. And I don't fear the Charmed Ones. One of them is my girlfriend, after all. (Okay, maybe Prue makes me a little nervous.)

What I do fear is loss. If anything ever happened to Phoebe, if I ever lost her, I don't know what I'd do. She is my strength. She is my anchor to goodness. I can't imagine life without her now.

Sometimes, I fear the demon inside me. There I times I feel hunger, the lust for a kill, and I have to struggle to keep that part of me suppressed. I worry that one day I might lose control of my demonic side and do something evil.

I'll never let that happen, though. And I'll never lose Phoebe. Never.

I heard this song recently, at the hotel. The lyrics seem to fit for me. I want Phoebe to help me learn to be human, to know right from wrong. And I'll show her that I can be the man she thinks I can be.

Whenever I feel like I'm falling, I think of her and she gives me strength. She saved me.


Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

Hurry I'm fallin'

All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

Love? Love is a beautiful woman with golden-brown hair and soft brown eyes. Love is a witch who can see the future. Love is Phoebe Halliwell.

When I was assigned to kill the Charmed Ones, I chose to focus on Phoebe, the youngest sister. Prue was too suspicious. Piper was involved with their Whitelighter. But Phoebe was warm, sweet, trusting -- in some ways as innocent as those she and her sisters protected.

I'd seduced witches before, and none had stirred my heart. Phoebe Halliwell was just another mark. Seduce her, kill her, then take out the other two while they mourned, sister and powers lost.

But for some reason, I began to hesitate. The time I spent with Phoebe started to effect me. I didn't understand why I felt so relaxed and content with her in my arms. I struggled against the feeling. For so long I had buried the last traces of humanity in me; I didn't think it existed any more. But when I had Phoebe defenseless, at my mercy, I couldn't bring myself to kill her. I realized that as impossible as it seemed, I loved her.

Evil can't love. It can lust, it can covet, it can desire. But real love? Never. So my human soul still existed after all. I betrayed the Source and the Underworld for the love of a witch. I fled at first, both from my feelings and from the bounty hunters that came after me. But I had to come back. I had to be with the woman I loved. And I'll never leave her again.

I never had a real family, not for long anyway. My demon mother killed my human father when I was three years old and put an end to that idea.

My mother wanted nothing to do with her "disgusting half-breed" child after that, and she would have killed me as well if the Source hadn't ordered her otherwise. Instead she gave me into the care of Raynor, leader of the Brotherhood of the Thorn, an elite circle of demons who served the Source. Raynor became my new father.

He was patient with me at first. I tried to run away and find my way back to the human world, and he would find me and bring me back. He told me what I was and that it was my duty to serve the Source of All Evil. He would guide me and teach me and protect me.

I needed the protection. The other young demons training for the Brotherhood hated me for what I was. Only Raynor's presence kept them from doing more than taunts and threats. I quickly realized that Raynor's protection lasted only as long as his approval, so I began to struggle to please him. I learned, I obeyed, and I tried to prove that I was the demon he thought I could be.

The stronger I became, the more my "brothers" hated me. They were ashamed to be outdone by a half-breed. They tried to arrange accidents during training. They tried to sabotage me. They taunted me for hiding behind Raynor and pushed me around as much as they could without earning Raynor's wrath.

When I was ten, I failed Raynor. I couldn't bring myself to kill a helpless witch. The human part of me was still too strong. My mentor was disappointed and withdrew his protection. It was still forbidden to kill me, but anything else was fair game. My brothers beat me and abused me at any opportunity.

I learned to bury my human heart. Love, compassion, and mercy meant nothing to me. Only the Source's will mattered. My brothers gave me their grudging respect, but I never trusted them not to stab me in the back any chance they got. They were my "family," but that meant nothing when it came to demonic ambition.

Up until recently, I was Belthazor, one of the most powerful demons in the Underworld. I killed countless witches, innocents, demons -- the Source of All Evil would point, and I would obey.

The first three years of my life I was a normal boy, or so I thought I was. I don't remember much about that time, but my father was a good man, warm and loving. My mother was more distant and rarely had time for me. One night everything changed. My father woke me and made me get dressed and told me we had to go. I asked him where my mother was, but he said not to worry, he would explain later. As we ran from the house, I heard my mother calling for us, and I yelled back to her before my father could stop me. Then my mother appeared before us. She yanked me from my father's arms and killed him.

She took me to the Underworld after that and gave me to Raynor, the leader of the Brotherhood of the Thorn. I found out then that I was half-demon. My mother wanted me destroyed as an abomination, but the Source saw potential in me, and told Raynor to train me. The first years were horrible. I didn't want to be there; I wanted to go home to my father. The other young demons tormented me and mocked my human side. To survive, I had to learn to bury my human soul and embrace my demonic nature. I had to learn to be strong and how to kill without mercy.

For over a hundred years I served the Source. I became feared and respected. When the Source ordered me to destroy the Charmed Ones, I obeyed. I knew they had vanquished other demons, but those demons weren't me. The witches were just another mark. I would infiltrate them, earn their trust, and kill them.

But one of those witches, Phoebe Halliwell, the one I thought would be easiest to manipulate and win over, somehow awoke the human in me. I didn't think I was capable of love and compassion anymore. I started to feel human. There were mornings that I'd wake up next to her and I didn't feel evil. I was just a normal man in love with a beautiful girl. Part of me wanted that life so much.

Eventually she and her sisters found out who I was. But somehow I managed to convince Phoebe of the truth -- that not everything was a lie. That when it came down to it, I couldn't kill her. I'd fallen in love with her, and I was willing to die to prove it.

I had to go into hiding after betraying the Source by not killing Phoebe and her sisters. Bounty hunters tried to hunt me down. Eventually, I stopped running and came back to Phoebe. I knew I had to be with her, to protect her. And she would keep my human side strong. She believes in me, but I know I still have to earn the trust of her sisters.

So now I'm Cole Turner, the name my father gave me. I'm still half-demon, but I only use my powers for good. And one day I'll be the man Phoebe thinks I can be.